I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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