Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
