sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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