I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
