I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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