i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
