he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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