no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
