My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
