Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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