see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
