fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
