Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize