So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
