How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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