Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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