I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
