The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
