In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
