I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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