My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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