Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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