Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
