So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
