im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
