stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
