Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
