i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
