I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
