He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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