k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
