Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
