My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
