everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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