On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
