it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
