I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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