Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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