Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
