I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
