What did we do last night that was yellow?
please come you make the beer taste better
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
