I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
