Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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