i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
