in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
