you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
