He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
