I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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