I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
