i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
