Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize