Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
