Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize