The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
