puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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