Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize