Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize