I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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