Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
