Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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