What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
