K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
