you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
