Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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