it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
