dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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