Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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