Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
