I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
