also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
