I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
