all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
