thus making me awesome and them whores
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
