She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
