You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
