its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
