dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
