I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
